To have lost...

I have been thinking allot about Stacy (coolteacher79), Spencer and their baby Issac the last few days. And how my heart breaks for them and their family. I cannot begin to imagine what they have gone through. I do feel, since my loss, I can understand their sorrow a little better than I would have been able to in the past. I keep coming back to the comment I made to a friend. That loosing my baby would be as if she lost her baby (who was about 4 months old at the time). Pregnancy is different than loosing a newborn, but it is still similar. A loss is a loss. I still lost our baby, just the same as somebody who looses their baby at 12 weeks, 25 weeks, 32 weeks or 2 months after the baby is born. It is still a loss. The difference is how long you were able to bond and get to know your baby. How long you have had to become attached and to love your baby. How long you have been able to bond. That's the difference.

This brings me to a story my friend told me that she experienced while working in the ER. A few month old baby was air lifted into the ER because he wasn't breathing. Unfortunately, the baby passed away. She told me the couple had tried for 5 years before getting pregnant through IVF, only to have twins and to loose one a few months after birth. That's horrible, I can't even imagine what they went through. You cannot help but get tears in your eyes when you think about it. She had told me she couldn't be in the room and left to cry. I asked her if she came home and hugged and kissed her baby. Which she did. Now, after thinking about all Stacy and Spencer have had to go through, I realized it is just not the same. My friend cryed and was upset for fear it could have been her and for thankfulness she still has her baby. But me, and everybody else who has lost a pregnancy or infant, understands what a loss feels like. We feel for that person and feel just a little bit of their pain. Somebody who has not lost, just doesn't have the same understanding. They can sympathize, but they cannot empathise. They can wish and hope and pray they don't have to go through something like that, but it is not the same understanding as somebody who has experienced the loss of their child.

We are all part of the dreaded pregnacy/infant loss club people refer to. It is a "club" because we understand each other. It doesn't matter what race you are, how old you are, what political or religious beliefs you have, we are all there for each other beause we experienced a loss. The pregnancy/infant loss boards are not like any other that I have ever experienced. My husband didn't want me on there because he knows about "other" boards where people say hurtful things. That is just not true with this board. We are all part of that "club".

We understand what is is to lose.