28 Days, 4 Weeks, 1 Month...

Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position. But if she isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating her from the outside of your belly.

28 days, 4 weeks, 1 months... Either way you look at it, Kaylin will be here in a month! My has time has flown by. I remember getting my positive test like it happened yesterday and now we are all but finished preparing for her arrival. Her room is completed (sans the 2 items we still need - the crib mattress and the changing pad covers. But I still have 2 more showers left...), I'm almost done with her Christmas stocking (ya, remember that post back from March?), and I have one side left to decorate on her toy box. Everything seems to be coming together and I'm confident I will get my whole "to do" list completed before her arrival!

And as for my vow, I have been doing really well! I have used will power to not open a post titled "Ladies with a late loss" and I read something in somebodies signature about them loosing their baby at 41ish weeks. I didn't try to go investigate... and I even found a term that I didn't know what it was and didn't even try to google it! I really am making progress and doing well with my vow. On the flip side, I have been anxious on and off. I'm worried about post partum depression and when I start to worry about that, my anxiety increases, thus I start to worry even more about post partum depression (as well as a whole slew of other things.) It's kind of a vicious cycle. I have decided to talk to my Dr about it at my nest appointment. Who knows what he will do, but I figured he will be my best resource.

I have also been asked if I'm exited about the upcoming birth. Frankly I'm not excited, I'm much more anxious. It sucks and I worry about everything. I try not to, but when my body is in it's anxious state sometimes it is difficult. I just have to keep reminding myself that I did make the right choice to become a mommy because if this wasn't something I really wanted I would not have been so upset about my miscarriage. I will make a good mother even if I'm nervous about that as well. I have never been super confident about caring for or being around babies and kids, but maybe I'm not seeing something in myself because my friends daughter just adores me. Maybe I'm not giving myself the credit I deserve just because I'm not confident. I worry too, because when we are over at our friends house sometimes I really just don't want to have to keep an eye on their baby if they leave the room, etc. I'm sure it will be different with my own but it still worries me. Heck, I love dogs, I work with dogs, I dog-sit, I have been around dogs since I was 16, and there are still dogs I can't stand being around or who annoy the heck out of me! I love my dog to death, but I find my patience for other peoples dogs is much, much smaller. That being said, chances are my opinion and thoughts of my own child will be vastly different from what I feel about other peoples children. Not to mention, these last few weeks and the past few months I have been fully aware that my "me" time and my "sitting on my ass on the couch time" will be vastly reduced. I want to take advantage of the last few weeks I can to be able to relax. I just wonder if that may not be sub-consciously playing a role in not wanting to watch her? Just because I know my time is coming to an end...

On a much brighter note, I have started to wonder what she will look like. Will she have brown hair, brown eyes? Will she have my feet or my husbands feet? Will she have my metabolism and will she have my husbands digestive tract? (Ok that may sound funny but I have this issue with my esophagus where food sometimes gets stuck in the sphincter leading to my stomach... it sucks and I really hope she doesn't have to deal with that...). I have also gotten teary eyes a bunch lately every time I see a new baby or hear about a baby etc. There are just so many emotions involved! I really can't wait to have her here with us. To be able to hold her and kiss her. It's so surreal that the baby I feel moving around in my belly will come out to be a fully fledged human being!

T minus 28 and counting!