Nerves

It has been one of those days. I am just so scared and keep replaying my miscarriage scenario over and over in my head and playing out how this ultrasound would go and me saying, not again after seeing no heartbeat. I just hate having to wait 4 weeks to find out of this is for real or not. It is just so hard to believe that everything will be ok and that I can wait a month for an ultrasound and have it turn out to be a positive ultrasound instead of a negative one. I just hate the thought that I would have to wait so long to be able to find out this is not a viable baby.

In the meantime I take all the precautions and then it turns out to be for nothing. I don't want that. I just want to find out everything will be fine and I want to see a heartbeat :( I am trying to be more optimistic, and not worry as much as I did with Kaylin, but days like today that is just hard. It doesn't help the fact I woke up this morning just not feeling anything, not feeling pregnant etc. Not that I want to be sick, but can't a girl just gag or something? Maybe over the smell of a banana or something simple like that?