Realization

This was an eventful weekend, emotionally. Good emotionally though. I started off the weekend as anxious just thinking about daycare and how many weeks I will be getting off and anxious still that I will somehow loose Kaylin. On Saturday, at my sisters wedding I was talking to two of my Aunts. We started talking about daycare which I tried to avoid, but it still came up none the less. Despite the fact that talking about daycare with my mom the night before just about gave me anxiety attack, talking to them about it somehow seemed to help. My one aunt has a 14 month old boy as well as 3 older girls and she was telling me how she had to put their first daughter in daycare. She had said she was such a wreck that she had to have my uncle drop her off. The kicker was she had this much trouble and she was 6 months old when she first went to daycare, so me having issues over it with her going at 8-12 weeks would be understandable. My other Aunt told me that after running the numbers it wasn't worth her working because daycare cost so much. She wound up working nights and my uncle worked days. Thus they avoided daycare, but they never really saw each other. Working evenings was something I thought about, but really after talking to her I really don't think I would be happy doing that. I feel its kind of selfish, but I still feel like I would need a social life and would hate my job because I would not get to see our friends after work or on weekends. Thus an unhappy mommy would cause an unhappy daddy and not be a healthy situation to raise a happy child in. I really have come to the conclusion that I don't think I could NOT work. I would have to work part time. I'm just that type of person who would get board staying at home day in and day out and restless. Thus... not making a great home situation. To work part time I would have to find a job that makes about $14/$15 an hour to cover the cost of daycare and still bring home enough for us to live comfortably. I'm probably not going to find a part time job that pays nearly that much. So basically, I've come to the conclusion to keep a happy, HEALTHY household I really need to work, thus daycare is our best option none the less. And as for daycare... I was talking to my friend and coworker Thursday before I left work and asked her how she got over the issue of putting her son in daycare. Her response... "I didn't have one." She said she went to daycare as a baby and when she was younger and had a great time and really enjoyed playing with all the other kids her age. I'm really starting to think that because I was not in daycare and that I don't have any experience in this matter myself, that it's the fear of the unknown. Also, my friend made an interesting point. She said she was not surprised I would have a problem with daycare because whenever I have to leave my dog at home I always make comments how I miss him. And when I leave him home I typically try and have him hang out with my neighbor who has a dog and works from home all day. So if I have separation issues with my dog, I'm bound to have separation issues with my baby! On a slightly different note, my husband and I were talking on the way home today and said if I could find a job that makes about $15,000 more a year than we could pay off allot of our debt and I could possible not have to work after our second baby. Thinking about that, as appealing as it seems, it brings me back to the issue I mentioned above, that I really don't think I would like not working at all and that I would at least want to work part time. So no matter what, part time or full time, she would have to go into daycare anyway.

The other emotionally eventful epiphany this weekend was when I was talking to my dad. He had said he was flying home from a business trip and was talking to the guy next to him. He starts out by saying that the guy had absolutely no accent and he asks my dad where he is from and my dad asks him where this guy is from. The guy says Mexico and my dad asks where in Mexico... and of course the guy says Mexico City, where the swine flu breakout was the worst. He proceeds to say that well, if he should be one of the few people who gets the swine flu he ahould to buy a lottery ticket. It really got me thinking that that is so true. The chance you will get the swine flu, despite the medias attack on it, is slim to none, which I looked up and realized when they first started pushing it down our throats. There are thousands of people who die every year due to the regular flu in the US and as to date 2 people (one of which was a Mexican boy who came across the boarder to TX to be treated at a hospital) have died. So if you are one of the "lucky" few to actually GET the swine flu, than you should buy a lottery ticket because your chances of winning the lottery have the same slim chance. I started to realize that even though I am paranoid about loosing Kaylin, the chances of me loosing her at this point are very low on the probability scale, just like winning the lottery or catching the swine flu... Two things of which I am not worried about because they are so low on the probablility scale. I realized this before, this just put it into perspective. I was still very nervous because I was on the wrong end of the statistics before by having a miscarriage and even though people have won the lottery more than once it doesn't happen often. So... I have decided to take a new attitude on the "what if's" because the "what if's" don't happen that often at this point in pregnancy. And my chance of of the "what if's" happening twice, even slimmer. Hopefully this new "theory of thinking" continues!