Ahhhh....

After I had Kaylin, I missed being pregnant. I missed feeling her move, I missed rubbing my belly, I missed being the cute basketball, I just missed it. This time, not so much so far. I have had a few moments, but generally, I'm perfectly happy with her here in my arms. Our neighbor found out she was expecting their #2 and yesterday when she was over she looked exhausted and was telling me she feels sick and has no appetite. I remember feeling that way with Hannah until about 15ish weeks. I do not miss that at all. I don't miss the end when I was feeling uncomfortable, having all those false contractions, the back discomfort sitting at work, the trouble sleeping, the waking up 3 times a night to pee, having to watch what I would eat... I just don't miss that. I like having my body back, well all but my boobs... I like being able to breathe! It's just strange to not miss it.

On a different note, my grandma is not doing well. I think it will be iffy if she makes it another month. That means there will be another grandparent that does not get to meet their great-grandchild :( I know we cannot afford for me to fly up their this time. And I would feel bad having my parents fly me up there like they did when my grandpa passed. Because of this, part of me would be glad that me having Hannah would be an excuse to not go. Not that I don't want to and even thinking that makes me feel guilty, but I would also feel guilty having my parents pay again or having that awkward we can't afford it convo with my husband. My sister suggested I drive up to OH and then drive the rest of the way to NY with them... I was contemplating it, and it would be more plausible than flying, except I doubt daddy would want me driving by myself with a 3-4wk old and a toddler, which would be the first hurdle, but then Hannah is also not consistently eating at regular intervals yet, which would make driving kind of difficult. At the same time I would feel like i would give it a shot if daddy agreed to it. I don't know. This sucks.