Overwhelmed

This weekend was filled with irritation and annoyance with some friends, thus I think it has caused my anxiety to go up a little bit, but in general I think I am overwhelmed with starting work last week. Yesterday and this am I have felt like I could cry at the drop of the hat and when I read a post on my board about the girl who lost her baby at 38 weeks I just about had a mini panic attack. For whatever reason it still freaks me out, even though Kaylin is hear with me. And to make my anxiety and worry worse, I had dinner with a friend who lost her nephew to SIDS 6 months ago. I offered to go to a support meeting with her and frankly I am worried about going to one because I am afraid it will bring up feelings and emotions I have pushed down and away (thus causing me to worry that she will accept my offer). At one point while we were talking, she said something (I don't even remember what it was now...) but I had a 2 sec panic attack. I guess I am realizing that I am still TERRIFIED that I will loose Kaylin. The last 2 days I feel like this feeling is overwhelming and has been MUCH stronger than it has been in the past. I can't help but wonder if any of this has to do with me starting work and not being with her or if I am just overwhelmed in general by starting work back up and not feeling like I have enough time to do things or if it is because my friends nephew died in a daycare setting; or if it is a combination of everything.

I hate feeling like this and feeling like this fear is over powering me. I do have to say just writing this out (and posting it on my board and reading the response) has made me feel better. I just hope that one I get into a routine and things settle down that I won't be so anxious :(