Play Date

Well, that's what I'm calling daycare. I would call is school but 10 weeks is way too young to start school, so I thought calling it her daily play date would work.

Today was her first day. After the festivities of her Baptism died down I started to get get sad about going back to work and wound up shedding a few tears. And this morning I choked back some tears. In the end dropping her off wasn't too bad. And I know I go through the same thing when I drop my dog off at the sitters when we leave town. I am sad to go, but then I'm fine after I leave. I figured the same would happen in this case as well. Yes and no. I typically forget about Phoenix once I leave and am not worried about him, and not that I'm worried about Kaylin being there but every time I see a picture of her (which my coworker put one one my desk for me :) ) I miss her :(

I did call to check on her at the beginning of my lunch break. It was feeding time and I could hear her in the background making her grunting, I'm hungry noises. The daycare lady said she was rooting around her shirt to find food :( since she is still nursing her 9 month old in the mornings. Poor baby. So confused. But she sounds like the is the hit of her play date today since all the other kids are interested in her and flock to her. The daycare lady said that when they realized she was awake they all flocked to her to see her. (aww, how cute!) and she had Kaylin in the swing and her 9 month old son was playing on the floor, he crawled over to her and was peering in at her and they were both just smiling at each other (another, aww, how cute!).

I miss my baby :( It's hard from seeing her almost every waking moment for 10 weeks to not seeing her every day for 9 hours. But in the end I trust the daycare we chose and I can't afford to not work. The only hard thing running through my mind is how do you tell the daycare lady, buy and to just make sure my baby is alive when we come pick her up. It may sound morbid, but i have been thinking an awful lot about my friends nephew who died of SIDS at the in-home daycare he was at. To top it off it was his first day there... Like I said how do you tell somebody to make sure your kid is alive when you pick them up? I know as time goes by that thought in the back of my mind will start to fade, but it's only been 6 months since he passed away. And I realized I didn't tell her I love you before I left because I felt awkward and was being watched. How do you put your faith in somebody to care for your child, leave them their thinking at the end of the day you will be able to pick them up and kiss and hug them only to find out they are gone? Aarrgggh! I can't even begin to imagine what she went through. If she only knew how much my heart breaks for her every day. I honestly can't bring myself to take down the remembrance picture they sent out to everybody who attended his funeral. 6 months later it is still hanging on my fridge...

Anyway, I miss my baby and told my husband that she is all mine until I leave for my doggy obedience class tonight! I'll have to giver her lots of hugs and kisses every night when she gets home!