Feelings

This is more on moving than anything.  I just can't decide if I am happy here.  So many people don't like Midland, it's hard not to have that negativity rub on on you.  There are just so many things that make me nervous, the health care here, the lack of dr's and not being able to see one on short notice, the horrible schools, the schools that are so over crowded or so full you can't get into or use a lottery system, the fact we are in the middle no where.  I almost feel claustrophobic.  Like I have to get out of this tiny area, I need to go somewhere else, even if its just for a short weekend.  There isn't much to do here, no big museums, no zoos, the closest splash pad is an hour away, there is just not much here.  You can only do the same thing so many times before it gets old.  

My husband really likes it here. He wouldn't mind staying. He has his golf and has been meeting people up there that he has become friends with.  But when he is up there, that leaves me, alone, here at our house, for even more time than that time he is at work.  I am not complaining about being a sahm, but the ONLY time I am not with them is for photo sessions, and you can hardly count that since I am working.  I had 1 mno for 2 hrs.  2 hrs in over a year that I have been by myself, with no kids or no husband.  While its great to get out with my husband, I do need some alone time away from the house. 

I have no hobby, and realized I need something for myself to do.  I enjoy running but thats not what I need right now.  I suggested horse back riding to dh but he shot that down.  He would like me to learn to golf.  I said I would do it for him but thats not my thing.  I think it hurt his feelings.  But in all honesty, it would be something I would do for him and not myself.  I need something for myself.  Back to the horseback riding, though, I have thought to myself there is no reason to start riding now because once I become pregnant I would have to quit.  It would be something that would be better to start after having a 3rd baby.  But what to do in the meantime?  Volunteer at an animal rescue?  I am limited there too and the one place by my house is hard to get into even though they need volunteers.  You have to attend a meeting the first Sun of the month before starting.  The next is Labor Day weekend.  Ya, that sucks :/ 

I just need something else and I don't know what that is. I have friends here I like and can rely on.  I like that its a small city and don't ever have that far to drive, I like that I run into the same people at different kids activities, I like the low humidity, I like having a neighborhood pool and I like our house.  I don't do anything here that I didn't do in St Louis.  Other than work.  I was able to get out of the house when I worked, but truth be told, I had some of the same "I don't have my own thing or never go out my myself" feelings in STL too.  So maybe I just need to differentiate my needs separate from things I don't like about Midland.  I really think it boils down to the daily monotony of the girls having the same activities and having to go to the same places with them.  Just not much spice.  Hense I think volunteering at the animal rescue would help me out.  Give me something new to do.  New dogs to get to know, new people, different activites at the sanctuary each time I go in etc.

My neighbor and friend a month or so ago said she didn't like it here and after telling me that, realized she did like it and now loves living here as well.  I really wish I could get to that point.

I need a hobby away from the house, I need a better Dr and I need my girls to start elementary school at a good school.  Those are the 3 things that I need right now. 

PS: I joined a moms group with my neighbor, so hopefully that brings in some new friends and activities.