Peace

This time around had been much better. Not nearly as much anxiety, I'm able to handle the lack of sleep better, better able to deal with the fact I just frankly don't have time to clean all the time. Just better. I'm sitting here, Hannah is laying in my bed asleep. Sleeping so peacefully. I love her.

Some things still have not changed. I still worry. I still have the fear of dying and leaving my kids behind. Recently, I had this fear something was wrong with my heart and lungs. After Hannah was born, I couldn't expel enough air to talk. I just couldn't feel like I could take a deep breath. I PANICKED, to say the least and thought OMG, my WORST fear is coming true. I can't breathe, oh dear GOD don't let me die. I was fine. They took my O2 levels and listened to my heart. All was perfectly normal. The feeling wore off as my epi wore out of my system. I had always thought it was my epi that may have caused that problem, but it was fairly confirmed at my general physical appt this past week. I mentioned to my gen practitioner and he said it was most likely due to the epi and there have been woman who have had to go on respirators for 30 or so min until the epi wore off. Just so thankful that didn't happen. But I still feel like I am having issues, so I went to get checked out. My heart and lungs still sound fine, so chances are it's in my head or something that is being caused by anxiety. Both could very well be the case.

It also came up that I was breast feeding Hannah. He was soooo positive about it. Made me feel good. He was saying that on the west coast so many woman breastfeed, but here, in the midwest, only something like 30% of woman breastfeed. I fed Kaylin just shy of 7 months, which he said was great and was very encouraging when I said my goal with Hannah was a year. Makes me feel all good that I can accomplish something that alot of woman in my area don't want to do.

Nothing is better than watching a peaceful sleeping baby :)