Pros and Cons

Last night I had a run in with some disappointing emotions. My work planned a happy hour and since I thought my husband and I could use some alone time, I actually let his mom watch Kaylin overnight for us. Turns out my husband wasn't feeling well. He went out but he pretty much told me no sex. Normally all fine and dandy, but I knew it was around ovulation time (he knew too. I hinted and he understood this past Tuesday). I was sooo disappointed. Besides giving him trouble about it all night (which he didn't like and wound up causing an argument...), after a few drinks I was sitting in the bathroom actually, honestly disappointed I would not even be given the chance for an oops. Because even if we did wind up having sex (which we did :) ) he wouldn't be drunk and or drunk enough that he would forget to pull. (I was right... he did pull). Being that disappointed really threw me for a loop. I have been so torn lately about what my feelings and thoughts are about when to have a 2nd child. Not that I think it will matter because my husband is not ready, but for myself I feel like I need to figure out my own thoughts. Here goes... some pros and cons to now or later.

PROS - now
-K and a new baby would be close in age
-I wouldn't have to get out of and then back into the whole sleepless stage
-They would be close enough in age they could play well together
-Personally - the sooner #2 comes along the sooner I can get a boob job and the sooner I will feel better about myself
-I had always thought I would like my kids close in age
-I worry that the older I get and the older my husband gets the more complications or genetic issues we may run into
-I worry the older I get that my body won't bounce back as well like it did after I had K
-After my disappointment last night, I can't help but think that deep down this is what I want and I am ready and the only reason I am coming up with other options in my head is because I know my husband isn't ready.

CONS - now
-I guess the biggest con is my husband is not ready, although he says he doesn't even now if and when he will be. I KNOW I want a 2nd one
-According to my husband we really don't have the money right now for 2 kids in daycare (will we EVER have the money though?)
-If we wait maybe I can get my photo business off the ground to the point I can make enough to cover most of my 9-5 salary and be able to stay home with the kids, thus avoiding the money issues
-There are times when I still freak out that I am just not ready to give up my body again. I am still enjoying having it back to being all mine after 15 months of pregnancy and breastfeeding

PROS - later
-See the photo point from above.
-Having K in preschool and out of diapers would be fantastic. I wouldn't have 2 in diapers and I could rest when I needed to during the pregnancy and after the baby is born while she is at preschool
-When discussing things with my husband he has seemed much more realistic and optimistic about having the chance he would be more ready for trying for #2 the end of 2011

CONS - later
-I would be more afraid the longer we waited for issues occurring - see pros-now
-K and a new baby would be further apart in age and I would have gotten used the toddler schedule of things and more sleep vs if they were closer I would still be used to less sleep.
-I think it would be easier on me to be in the same stage with both kids