Ignorance is Bliss

This has come up in my little old mind before... And once again today. My first cycle after my miscarriage we didn't use condoms like we were supposed to, just the good 'ol pull and pray. I didn't think it would make a difference, well a few days before Aunt Flo was due to arrive I was feeling off. I think I actually posted about this. Actually I mention it at the bottom of my first post. Although I never mentioned i took two pregnancy tests. The problem with this was that the first one I took both my husband and I thought we saw a very faint line. Super, super , super light. I posted about it on my boards and was told FRER tests didn't often give evap lines. So I took a test the next day and it was stark white. I started spotting 2 days later and then my super light Aunt Flo came for a visit for 2 days. the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it was a chemical pregnancy. I had symptoms, a super faint line... I will never know. But if I WAS pregnant, I know what cause that loss. It would have been because my lining wasn't think enough. That Aunt Flo, all I needed were panty liners for three days. Yep, that's it. There would have been no way that could have supported a pregnancy. I will never know what I saw on that test and never know if it was a real line or an evap line, but the thought of having lost 2 babies would kill me. Like the post title, ignorence is bliss. I don't think I really want to know. Partly because it would have been our fault for not being cautious that would have caused that loss. It would have been our fault we lost that baby. I don't know what happened and I don't want to know. But I still wonder. But... ignorance is bliss. I am happy thinking that it was an evap line.

I just had to get that out since it has been a reoccurring thought for quite some time :)